EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST


By Saiyed M. Fauzan Ali

So, you’ve been attacked by a narcissistic sociopath? You’re probably wondering what to do now? Well, trust me! I’ve been there and it sucks. I’m writing this article specially for you. 

The odds of living in a narcissist-free zone are pretty slim. And if you have dealt with a narcissistic sociopath for a long period of time, you would know first hand what these inhuman creatures are capable of doing to your personality while trying to feed their bottomless egos. Which is why I feel that it is important for all of us to learn how to handle a narcissistic sociopath without being dragged into a disgusting, self-righteous emotional drama filled with abuse, harm, and manipulation.

What is Narcissism?

To put it simply, Narcissism is a disorder of pathological insecurity. So these people are basically sick, they have a disease inside their heads which forces them to act or behave in a way that causes harm to society. But, how can you identify a narcissist? Well, there are four pillars to narcissism, and these four traits are:

  • Lack of empathy
  • Grandiosity Complex
  • A chronic sense of entitlement
  • A chronic need to seek out admiration and validation from other people

A narcissist is capable of completely destroying your life if you allow them. And I hope you’re not married to or employed by the person in question because that is bad news. Unfortunately, I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist and to make matters worst her entire family was riding on the same boat. Trust me, everything just keeps getting bad, and if you try to save your relationship then you’ll only end up regretting that you stayed in this abysmal show.

The Hollywood rom-com fairytale does not exist in this relationship because no matter how good you are or what you do for these barbaric humans, they will never be grateful because they feel that they are entitled to everything that you’ve done. They will continue to throw nuggets of disdain your way in order to make you increase your efforts to please them. They will stage personal attacks on your character, and go as far as to fabricate flaws to evoke insecurity in you. And they will frequently play the devil’s favorite advocate by cooking up some really disgusting and heinous strategies to cause you harm. Such as the person who used up my 2-year-old girl and his own daughter as a pawn in his repugnant game to make me pay for exposing his malignant deeds, and then caused a rift between the father and daughter relationship.

However, one thing that I’ve learned about such people is that they are cowards, they would first hide behind somebody and then they would launch their attack. And, they would only despise you if they feel that you’re somehow better than them.

So, How Do You Handle a Narcissist?

You can’t fight with a Narcissist, which is something I realized a long time ago because they would lie, manipulate, cheat, and obsess – these people are emotionless, they have no soul nor conscience.

If you think you can destroy them emotionally. Well, think again! They already have a feeling of worthlessness and shame. So basically there is nothing you can add to the emptiness they feel inside. And even if you’re successful in causing an injury it will only last for a short period of time because they have zero self-respect. How about mentally? I don’t think so, they constantly play mind games with themselves, and they are well versed in lying and manipulation. Spiritually? They don’t believe in higher powers or karma, and even if they do, they think that they are the chosen ones so everything God does is in their favor.

So What’s left?

Emotional Intelligence is the key!

Our life is an intrinsically sociable construct, and without having the capability and the skills to function well within this relational environment, it’s quite uncertain how far intelligence alone will get us. With a high level of EQ, you can be highly productive and defend yourself at the same time, while building a reputation in society.

So what is this emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is actually the ability to recognize, understand and control our emotions, and influence the emotions of others. It is comprised of elements such as motivation, self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy and social skills. A Narcissist requires fuel for their ego and understanding your willingness to accommodate them is what gets their motors running. This is why you need to be emotionally resilient and refrain from responding to emotional situations that can get your dander up, and force you to lose your cool.

You don’t need to try and beat them at their own game, you just need to show resiliency and rise above the chaos. Distance yourself from the emotions and the drama, and you’ll successfully remove yourself from their traps. Let them relish their little victories, while you focus on yourself and work for your success. Breathe again, make friends, and do all of the things that you’ve missed doing because you were locked down with some needy, pathetic, self-righteous, and emotionally dead people. You are a free bird now. Besides, the art of looking beyond the battle and calculating ahead will bring you the ultimate reward: The Last Laugh!!

Saiyed M. Fauzan Ali is an MBA/M. phil specialized in Supply Chain management. The author has worked as a research analyst and a critical review in the past, and he is a writing enthusiast. Follow him @saiyedfauzan (Instagram) or visit the author’s Linkedin profile.